The Return
A New Year's song of the heart
Round and round in circles, spiralling out of control, with no real direction or intention of flow.
I am forever losing myself and any meaning, tripping up on the uneven cracks of my fleeting thoughts, my mind a constant cacophony of half-envisioned dreams and ill-thought-out plans.
This feeling - of pointlessness, fleeting motivations and sticky lows- leads me to believe that none of it really matters. But if so, what does? What brings my life meaning?
Small captured moments of love, compassion, sorrow or empathy: a dog's excited wagging tale, a cat's purr, or a child's unabashed joy. Small moments of life.
Moments all too rare within the landscape of my existence - an existence of unknown forces compelling me to live on the periphery of life. For now. At this time. An antidote or healing balm for the chaos that came before?
I have no idea where I am going or my future. All I know is a need to rest, to be alone. To be in, but not of this world.
Writing, painting, studying - all lonely singular pursuits, stop me from going mad, soothe my tattered, bruised soul, bringing some meaning and worlds to find myself once more.
Meanwhile, life goes on around me as I, the observer, watch, longing to be part of something, lost intimacy, calling me back into hope. Hope for more. For love and a heart brave and true, I know it is waiting for me, somewhere, out there, amongst the hidden stories waiting to be told.
Godspeed, dear heart, Godspeed. I await your return; my arms ache for the fullness of you, the sound, solid warmth of you - hasten my love.
Dear reader, may you find your brave heart, honest and true. Meanwhile, New Year blessings from me to you 🙏